Hollywood Plotlines for Singapore’s Skyline
Movie synopses that Tinseltown may want to consider, as the city sprouts a host of new skyscrapers and landmarks
Singapore, now a dashing bi-casino city, has developed a rather telegenic skyline. We’re sure Hollywood directors are considering how to weave this into their latest movies – in fact, scripts may have already been written to that purpose. We reel out a few more ideas.
Casino Royale Dua: Anything Also Can
The Spy Who Shoved Me: Bond surveys the best route for fighting his way through Singapore shoppers
Photo credit: Debby Ng
Genre: Spy thriller
Starring: Daniel Craig. Judi Dench. Nataschja Brzsnkii-Hallowinski-Dczkwzjpekii. Fann Wong.
James Bond is sent to the Far East to track the shady movements of the Panda, an evil criminal of indeterminate Asian origin. The Panda is curtailing the global supply of Tiger Balm, causing untold misery. The trail leads 007 to Singapore, which he enters by parachuting onto the Padang.
Bond, equipped with a Nonya hairpin that can be transformed variously into a revolver, a hovercraft, an unending length of rope, a dagger, a bowl of soup and a nuclear device, discovers a sinister plot under the carpet of the Marina Bay casino. He then chases the Panda across the casino’s iconic rooftop, leaps onto the Flyer, is spat out by the Merlion, walks gingerly from one durian of the Esplanade to the other, hang-glides from the Swissotel and back-flips into the third circle of Hell at the Haw Par Villa. One terrifying scene has Bond fighting his way through a stampede of shoppers headed for Zara during the Great Singapore Sale.
Twilight: Curse of the Lion City
Genre: Vampire thriller
Starring: Robert Pattinson. Kristen Stewart. 2.5 million foreign workers. Fann Wong.
In yet another attempt to keep his fangs off Bella, Edward seeks the help of the Singa, a pride of mythical lions who dwell in the Straits of Malacca, and who have guarded the covenant between all teenaged monster-creatures since the dawn of time. The Singa, summoned by Edward to appear on the mini granite cliffs of Little Guilin, present our brooding vampire hero with a vial of potion that will solve his teething problems. Unfortunately, Edward spills the potion into the Barrage reservoir, inadvertently affecting the supply of water, old and NEW, of 2.5 million people. In scenes of chilling adolescent intensity, they transform into vampires, banshees, zombies, pontianak, orang minyak and toyol, all gravitating remorselessly toward Kent Ridge campus.
Harry Potter and the Shrine of the Flying Abacus
Genre: Children’s fantasy
Starring: Daniel Radcliffe. Emma Watson. Rupert Grint. Fann Wong.
Hogwarts is abuzz with excitement over its new twinning programme with the ancient Singapore magicking school of Jurongshire-by-the-Lea. The young British wizards are flown into the city-state on an impressive A380 broom. Harry is glad to find himself in a land where all children wear spectacles, but he soon feels a prickling on the lightning bolt on his forehead. The Dark Lord is near, probably at Pulau Hantu.
Voldermort is after the legendary Flying Abacus, which allows its owner to count his CPF contributions to infinity, thus achieving immortality. Harry gains knowledge and power from a snake-charmer in Little India. Meanwhile, Hermione and Ron get help from a plucky Singaporean sorceress, Sumitha, and an unsuspecting Muggle, Koh Boon Suat. Together, their search leads them to the deepest underground vaults of Gringotts-DBS (formerly POSB).
Farewell, the Red Lantern Memoirs of My Crouching Concubine
Genre: Oscar-coveting period drama
Starring: Chow Yun-Fat. Michelle Yeoh. Jet Li. Jackie Chan. Ken Watanabe. Lucy Liu. Joan Chen. Gong Li. Zhang Ziyi. Russell Wong. Maggie Q. Lea Salonga. Fann Wong.
The winds of war. The tides of change. Sometimes, the enemy is in our midst. And sometimes, he is not. Endings, beginnings. Endings that are four hours away from their beginnings.
Basically a loose adaptation-amalgamation of Gone With The Wind, Citizen Kane and Gladiator, this sweeping Jerry Bruckheimer epic set in East Asia spans 237 years and takes place against the backdrop of Fort Canning, the Alkaff Mansion, the Raffles Hotel, Chinatown and the Tanglin Club, covering in loving detail the opium trade, filial piety, bound feet, ghost marriages, Taoism, ancestral worship, Samsui women, the Sino-Japanese War, various tea ceremonies and the mysterious Oriental practice of feng shui. 250 mins.
Genre: Cannes-contending indie
Starring: Woody Allen. Scarlett Johansson. Natalie Portman. Keira Knightley. Carey Mulligan. Zooey Deschanel. Fann Wong.
Woody Allen directs and acts in this charming movie which features a short, balding, bespectacled academic unaccountably lusted after by women half his age. He meets the lovely Anika at Attica, and then her sister Anika Tu at Attica Too. Then he meets Nuraini at Zouk and Hortensia at the New Asia Bar.